Well, my three loyal fans, it is officially summer. Do you know what that means? That’s right, a baker’s dozen shitty movies coming out just this weekend, let alone all summer! So, I’m here to give you my opinion on what movies, TV, music, and video games I want to play, listen to, and see this summer. Not all of them are going to be new movies or music, so bear with me. So, without further ado (you should probably just leave), here is my summer entertainment guide:
Movies
What’s better than summer movies? Maybe good spring and autumn movies, but still, we all love summer action flicks and comedies and whatever the hell Michael Bay calls his “films” nowadays. I’m going to tell you what movies I’m looking forward to this summer, and what older movies I’m going to watch. Let me know what you think:
Baby Driver- June 28
Edgar Wright is a funny dude. This looks funny, slick, and entertaining, and I can’t wait.
Despicable Me 3- June 30
Do I want to see this movie? No, not really. But some minion fanboy might find my site and freak out if it isn’t here, so there you go. Have fun, Illumination. Have fun.
Spider-Man: Homecoming- July 7
Oh yeah! More Spider-Man and more Marvel for this fanboy. Plus, I mean, Michael Keaton. Who doesn’t love Michael Keaton?
Read my review here
Undercover Grandpa- July 7
I’m kidding, I’m kidding. HOLY SHIT IS THAT JAMES CAAN WTF HAS LIFE COME TO?! But seriously, what the fu!$ is this movie, and who approved this shit?
War for the Planet of the Apes- July 14
I like these movies. Caesar is really cool. Hail, Caesar!
Dunkirk- July 21
It says Christopher Nolan is directing, so whatever he’s selling, I’m buying. Also, who doesn’t love a little bit of WWII (maybe WWII veterans…)?
The Emoji Movie- July 28
HOLY SHIT! I’M GONNA CRY WITH JOY THIS MOVIE IS GONNA GET NOMINATED FOR BEST PICTURE IT HAS FRICKIN’ T.J. MILLER OMG IT’S GONNA BE FUC#!$@ AMAZING! Or it just will be total ass, but who’s to say? I mean, look at this poster, they don’t even know their own goddamn release date.
Atomic Blonde- July 28
I recently saw the trailer for this, and I must say, I’m intrigued. It’s made by one of the directors of John Wick, and that movie is pretty good, so…
Logan Lucky- August 18
I mean, Daniel Craig plays a redneck who’s going to stage a robbery with his family. JAMES BOND IS PLAYING A REDNECK! It looks pretty…interesting. I’ll leave it at that.
Televison
Preacher- June 25
It looks cool, I guess.
Game of Thrones- July 16
I don’t want to watch this. I have never watched this. Somebody reading this probably likes it, so there.
American Gods- Season 1 Re-watch
NSFW. My dad likes it. I haven’t seen it.
13 Reasons Why- Netflix
I don’t know, I’ve heard that people like this show. Whatever, I might look at it. It’s kind of a small hit, though. Not that popular.
Daredevil- Netflix
Season 1 and 2 are very good, very violent, and very entertaining. You should watch this in preparation for The Defenders.
Jessica Jones- Netflix
OMG! This show is really good, and addresses the topic of sexual assault very well, with a superhero being the victim. It’s great stuff. Same reason as above as well.
Luke Cage- Netflix
This show is SO GOOD! MAHERSHALA ALI OH MY GOD HE’S SO GOOD AS COTTONMOUTH BUT HE’S ONLY IN IT FOR HALF THE SEASON. Oops, spoilers… Oh yeah, and Luke Cage is cool, I guess. Same reason as above. I’m not mentioning Iron Fist because it’s a boring show.
The Defenders- Netflix- August 18
This is like the Netflix Avengers, but hopefully with a better story. I’m looking forward to Daredevil and Luke Cage interacting with Jessica Jones (again). Iron Fist is still boring, though.
Literally Every Late Night Talk Show
John Oliver, Trevor Noah, Stephen Colbert, Bill Maher, Seth Meyers, Samantha Bee They’re all killing it with the political commentary and simultaneously making me laugh my ass off. I could watch these guys ridicule Donald Trump all day (trust me, I really do it). BTW, I pray to John Oliver, not Jesus, at night. Best host of all time, that guy.
Music
Arcade Fire- “Everything Now”- July 28
A new album by Arcade Fire? Yeah. I like them. They’re cool.
Queens of the Stone Age- “Villains”- August 25
A new Queens of the Stone Age album? Man, I forgot they even existed! No I didn’t.
“But, Ian!” you say, “Only two albums?” Yeah. Those are literally the only two albums I’m looking forward to. Sorry. You call it lame. I call it efficient. If you want other music, I literally have an entire website talking about music I like. And guess what? You’re on it.
Video Games
This is the part where you say, “Screw you, Ian! I’m too cool for video games!” No you’re not. It’s 2017. People like games. So, there are a few coming out that look ‘aight.
Dead by Daylight- June 27
An indie horror hit. Looks kinda cool. I like “scary” games.
Madden NFL 18- August 25
I like football. Football good. I don’t however, like Tom Brady. But, it has a career mode now, so, what the hell?
“But, Ian!” you say, “that was only two games!” Stop acting like you care. Those are the only two. I will, however, tell you a couple dank-ass games that are already out that I’ll be jamming out with this summer.
Doom (2016)
This game gets my blood pumping and makes me actually breathe a sigh of relief when I complete a level. Good? Yes. The gunplay is fun, the demons are cool, and the graphics and sound are FANTASTIC. Check it out.
Far Cry 4 (2014)
I haven’t bought it yet, but mark my words, when I do, I’m going to have a great time.
Friday the 13th: The Game (2017)
I bought this yesterday, and my brother, best friend, and I are already having a blast playing this cooperative horror/hide-and-seek online game. It’s really fun. And, it’s only $40! That’s still kind of a lot of money, but it’s worth it. Game-share it.
Injustice 2 (2017)
I already have four max level fighters, and there are two more DLC fighters coming out this summer, so I’ll be plenty occupied with this game. BTW it’s the best fighting game I’ve ever played. Just saying. (I love Red Hood and Green Lantern.)
Middle Earth: Shadow of Mordor (2014)
I need to re-download this so I can actually play it. It looks really fun. Assassin’s Creed X The Witcher, basically.
There. You satisfied? Probably not.
Well there you go! My summer entertainment guide. Keep yourself occupied, have fun, and maybe look at one thing I listed here. Please. For me. Until next time, I bid you all goodmorrow.
State of Confusion 